My Perfect Sandwich
This morning I was listening to an episode of the Distractible podcast called “Does Order Matters?” where they were talking about their favorite sandwiches, and it got me thinking - I have a perfect sandwich, I need to write it down somewhere. I know exactly what it is, and have for a decade plus, but for some reason I feel like I’m going to forget it if I don’t write it down. So here we go.
Bread
First, the bread has to be white or whole wheat bread - not whole grain. Chunky whole grain is only acceptable if that’s literally the only option. And it’s gotta be toasted. Not burnt, but just perfectly toasted - golden brown, a bit crispy.Sauces
On this sandwich, just mayo - on both the top and bottom slices. Thin-ish, enough to taste but not too much. Simple, easy.Meat
For this sandwich, my sandwich, it’s gotta be ham - deli ham, specifically. If you need to sub ham for something, go with turkey, but for the love of sandwich please don’t use deli chicken or deli beef, I beg you! Sorry for being dramatic, lol, I just have strong feelings about that apparently. Moving on.Cheese
Now, the cheese. Important: no American cheese. That’s strictly for hamburgers. Sandwich cheese should be sliced from a proper block. If you can get the thick blocks from Costco (5-6 cm thick), great - you only need two slices. If you’ve got a thinner 2-3 cm block from pretty much anywhere else, you’ll need three or four slices. Thickness-wise, aim for 2.5 to 3 mm. Definitely no more than 5 mm.Lettuce
Next comes lettuce. Unfortunately I have to be very picky and specific again: it must be romaine. No iceberg, no “hamburger lettuce.” Romaine or bust. I think I just grew up with romaine because it was the cheapest, but now it’s my standard. If it’s not romaine, the sandwich is ruined in my opinion.Tomato
After that, a tomato slice. The slice must be exactly 5 mm thick. If it’s a centimeter thick, that’s way too much tomato. Two 5 mm slices are okay, but not one thick slice. The texture and flavor balance just isn’t right.Seasoning (Optional)
At this point, you can add a tiny bit of pepper. I’m talking like 20 grains of cracked pepper - rubbed between your fingers like a booger. One twist of a pepper grinder is too much. If you skip the pepper, that’s fine. It doesn’t ruin anything. I only want pepper sometimes - depends on the mood or the “alignment of the stars.”Cutting
Cutting the sandwich is optional, but highly recommended. A vertical cut (top to bottom) is okay - you get two rectangular halves, which is acceptable. But a diagonal cut is superior. It looks better and might actually make the sandwich taste about 5% better. It’s a small change that makes a big difference.Garnish
This is totally optional, but if you want to get fancy: stick a toothpick through a green olive on one of the diagonal halves. Not a black olive - different taste. Has to be a green olive. And only on diagonal halves. Never put the olive on a vertical cut sandwich. That’s chaos.Drink Pairing
As for a drink, water is my go-to. It’s lunch - you’re not having coffee, and orange juice just feels wrong. Apple juice might work, but even that’s not the default. If you need something with flavor, go with lemon iced tea - Canadian style. Think Nestea or Fuze. Sweetened lemon iced tea, but not the Am*rican kind. You know what I mean.Extras (Optional)
If you’re still hungry, you could have an apple on the side. But honestly, you don’t really need anything else. This is a nice full sandwich, made properly it should be filling, satisfying, and delicious.And that’s it. That’s the one. My favorite sandwich.